Hang on, as this ride will be quick and wicked as I get up to speed. This waxing will also be shot from the hip, and unabashedly less poetic than perhaps I prefer it to be.
About six months ago, I left Indiana and moved to LA for a change in career; moreso, I did this for a change in life and scenery. The job I had in Indiana was pretty good. The work, the environment, the cash, the benefits. Some good people. All great things. However, I wanted to taste life a little differently than I had been. So I took a risk and left it behind. A leap. And during a tremendous national economic strife.
Get busy livin, or get busy dyin.
Well, more of a calculated gamble. I was fortunate to have a good job lined up. That being said, I knew there were risks, as the new gig was clearly fraught with its own perils of chance and being impacted by the recession. However, the move west happened, and life was an adventure. Much good new life, and reflection on experience past.
And then winter happened (a crazy thing for a midwestern volk to experience, their first “winter” season in southern California). Mid January, one of our clients dropped. Such is business, and such is the entertainment/TV industry. Our workload slacked (particularly mine since I directly handle work from this account). Panic stunk the air, like burned out electronics; not sure where it is burning or what it is burning, but you know it is just not good. Danger of shakeup in the company.
Yet a week and a half went by. I felt the smell was dissipating. By Friday, I was feeling good about myself and my job. I felt I had come a long way, physically, but moreso mentally with this job. I was getting better and faster in my work. I was finding points where I could focus on the creative, rather simply on execution. I felt a sense gaining my sea legs and enjoying the voyage.
On that Friday night at work, the Friday before my birthday, there was a knock at my suite door. The person that entered was not whom normally visits me two hours into my shift. In fact, he should have gone home two hours ago. The EBS Attention Tone was going off in my head.
Flash Action Message: This was not good. He shouldn’t be here. Wrong door, I pleaded. I knew why he was there.
That Friday evening, January 29th, 2010, I was notified that “at the end of February sweeps“, because of the drop in workload, I would be laid off, and out of a job. Future employment unknown.
My emotional being at that immediate point of receiving this visitor and his message was pretty even keel, almost jovial as I was getting the news. You would have thought he offered to wash my car. In the ensuing week, however, my emotional being has run the gamut of emotions and thoughts. Sadness, disappointment in self and company. Frustration (with self and company), anger, relief, excitement. Possibilities. A sense of exile and ostracization. Self doubt. Despair. Freak out. Emotional insecurity. Numb.
At this point, now a week + removed from the episode, I’m still collecting info as the thoughts of my employer and my options as to this exit. And what my next action and direction is. I”m sadly not feeling much love lost, but I guess that’s another lesson nota bene.
I’m trying to ask myself those tough questions about what I want to do with my life. And what I don’t want to do. And how execute on such answers. You know, meaning of life sort of things….the easy questions.
At the risk of humor being confused with bitterness, I didn’t really plan on this happening.While I’m in better near-term shape than many folk that also face unemployment, some days really are pretty dark feeling for me, here in the land of sunshine. I have about 3 months of finance before panic, def con 1, and total release are in play. Even though I’ve got a large challenge externally, I feel like I am my worst threat, internally (see listing of emotions, above).
I have no idea what’s next. I have no idea what I’m “going to do.” Hm. Yeah, that “freak out” thing…
I had planned to continue blogging during my transition west, and during my initial observations to my “new life” in Los Angeles. The people, the culture, the places, the environment, the lifestyle, etc. However, life and time happened since August. Some really great elements were seen and experienced (and continue to be) that I really wanted to record my own personal realizations, as someone from the midwest America living in a “different country”, simply for myself to look back on my initial impressions of life in a point in time. But I really couldn’t figure out a proper place to surface, and pick up with a comment or two. I had too much to say and too much time seemingly had passed. Where would be the next demarkation point in my life and adventure here, in where I could speak?
Hm. Well, I think this is as a good a chapter marker as any.
New Life in California, Chapter II.